Is it Sinful to Have Sexual Fantasies as a Married Catholic?

Sinful thoughts, secret masturbation, and Catholic guilt

>Underlight Transmission

>From: Elena, 38, Seattle, USA

Dear Eyeball,

My name is Elena, I’m 38, and I live in this boring suburb outside Seattle where it rains constantly and everything feels kinda stuck.

I’ve been married 12 years to a really good guy who’s steady, great with our two kids, pays the bills on time. We have the house, the dog, the whole thing. Sex is okay—scheduled, lights off, quick and gentle, he finishes happy and rolls over asleep. Me, I just lie there wide awake, my body still all worked up and throbbing like it didn’t get the memo that it’s over.

Truth is, I masturbate pretty much every day to stuff that would destroy him if he ever found out. I get off thinking about him watching me with another woman, or him getting rough with me, pinning me down, making me beg and confess everything while he fucks me hard. And the worst part—the thing that makes me come the fastest—is fantasizing about our kids’ young teacher, she’s like 25, sweet and pretty with soft hands. I imagine her touching me down there, fingers sliding inside me slow while she kisses my neck, exploring me like I’m something new and exciting. I get so wet just thinking about it, rubbing my clit until I explode, but then the second it’s over the shame crashes in hard, mixing with that afterglow until I feel dirty and sick.

I still go to church every Sunday, sit in the pew with my family, take communion like nothing’s wrong. Grew up strict Catholic—guilt is baked in deep. I know I’m supposed to be the good wife and mom, grateful for what I have. I do love my husband, honestly. So why does my pussy ache for this forbidden shit every night? It feels like cheating even though I’m not actually doing it. Am I some kind of pervert? Will this eat me alive and wreck my marriage one day? Or is it normal and I’m just torturing myself for no reason?

Eyeball, please tell me straight—no soft lies. I need the real truth, even if it cuts.

Elena