Is it Wrong to Spy on my Husband While he Masturbates?
Marriage, masturbation, and minding your own business
>UNDERLIGHT TRANSMISSION
>FROM: AWAKE, 36, MANCHESTER, UK
Dear Eyeball,
Sometimes I pretend to be asleep so I can watch my husband masturbate beside me in bed.
He doesn’t do it every night, but maybe twice a week after he has been working late.
Watching him like that turns me on more than when we have sex. He isn’t performing. He isn’t checking my face or trying to please me. He thinks he’s alone with himself, and that’s what makes it so intense.
While he’s doing it, I touch myself quietly. Nothing exaggerated. Nothing noisy. Sometimes I come, sometimes I don’t. Either way it feels intimate in a way I can’t quite explain.
What’s bothering me is whether I’m crossing a line.
He hasn’t agreed to be watched. He thinks I’m asleep. I haven’t lied, but I haven’t told him either. Once the idea of consent entered my head, it stuck.
Now the pleasure and the guilt sit next to each other. I don’t feel predatory. I feel close to him, turned on, and slightly ashamed. I don’t want to stop, but I don’t want to be doing something wrong in secret and calling it harmless because it feels good.
I don’t know if this is just part of married intimacy, or if I’m overstepping without meaning to. I don’t know whether I should tell him, stop doing it, or stop tearing myself apart over it.
I need to know where the line actually is.
— Awake
