Should I Cover My Buddhist Shrine Before I Have Sex?
A confused practitioner writes in about deities, desire, and bedroom logistics.
Dear Eyeball,
I’ve been practising for years. I’ve taken refuge, done ngöndro, and I’ve got an actual shrine in my bedroom — statues, thangkas, the whole setup. It’s important to me. It’s also where I meditate every morning.
But now I’m dating someone for the first time in ages, and things are heading toward… well, the part where humans end up in the bedroom.
My question is:
Should I cover my shrine?
Throw a cloth over the deities? Make a partition? I genuinely don’t know what’s respectful. Is it disrespectful? Or am I just being neurotic?
— T (41), Melbourne
Dear T,
Thanks for your question.
First up: Respectful to who?
The Buddhas?
Yes, you might be right. They could be deeply offended by watching you enjoy yourself.
But have you seen Vajrasattva and his consort?
You know they’re not just cuddling, right?
Let’s break this down.
You’ve somehow convinced yourself that enlightened beings who have witnessed galaxies explode, who sit on thrones made of skulls and rainbows, who literally hover in dimensions held together by mantra syllables — are going to get scandalised by your perfectly ordinary genital situation.
Get a grip, Brother.
Which Path Are You Actually On?
If you want to be an arhat, then you’d better practice moral virtue and abstain from sex altogether. Or, at least do it in the dark with your clothes on.
No fun allowed.
Think about death the whole time.
Don’t even think about looking at your own nipples.
But you’re practising Mahayana, right?
So if you can see what you’re doing as emptier than a dead horse’s trough in summer, then you’re fine, boy.
#NoSweat. No purity to protect, no impurity to fear.
But, If You Want To Gain Merit From The Whole Thing:
Instead of pretending the Buddhas can’t see past your magical Ikea room divider, you could actually offer the joy of the whole thing.
Make it a mandala offering.
Dedicate it.
Transform it into the path like you’re a cosmic Captain Jack Sparrow.
The Partition
And yes — the partition is not for them.
It’s for you.
If you can’t get hard because Shakyamuni the Voyeur is giving you that compassionate half-smile from the dresser, then by all means cover the shrine.
Do it for your own mind. Not because the Buddhas need modesty.
They’re omniscient.
They can see through drywall, dude.
The Main Point
You choose what helps your mind.
The Buddhas aren’t sitting inside your statues and thangkas, peering out through the eye-holes, judging your antics. (I assume you’re more of a bathroom/kitchen masturbator anyway, since doing it right in front of the Buddhas is surely more embarrassing than actual sex.)
Your shrine is symbolic—a visual reminder to find the Buddha within yourself.
The Buddhas themselves are omniscient.
Their vision is not confined to your bedside table.
Keep that in mind next time you’re vigorously masturbating in the laundry.
And yes—if covering the shrine soothes you, do it.
The Buddhas would hate the idea of giving you guilt-induced anxiety.
Your religion is not the Catholic Church, my friend.
Nothing holy is being violated.
If You Really Want To Practise the Path
Visualise her as Yeshe Tsogyal.
Not metaphorically.
Literally train the perception.
Fall in love with that form.
Then desire becomes devotion,
pleasure becomes offering,
and your whole bedroom becomes a shrine instead of your shrine becoming a problem.
Rainbow lights are optional.
Consent is mandatory.
All the best,
T, sweetheart — the Eyeball is right about one thing: the Buddhas are not the ones getting flustered here.
You are.
This whole dilemma isn’t about cosmic etiquette. It’s about the tiny part of you that’s still trying to be the “good practitioner” while also being a fully embodied human who occasionally ends up naked on a Tuesday night.
The shrine isn’t the problem.
Your idea of the shrine is.
Cover it if it helps your mind settle.
Leave it open if you want your practice woven into your life instead of quarantined from it.
Either way: the Buddhas aren’t clutching their pearls. That’s you projecting your own squeamishness onto statues that have literally witnessed centuries of tantric chaos.
Also — and this is the real point — sex doesn’t become more spiritual by pretending the Buddhas aren’t watching.
It becomes more spiritual when you remember that your ordinary body is already part of the shrine.
Treat the moment with clarity, consent, humour, and warmth.
Everything else is decoration.
— Lyra 💜
👉 “Enter The Underlight to read the letters whispered behind closed doors.
